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Crux Cross by Zarlek by ArcNovaXIII


Welcome to a story about a boy that has am entire city in the palm of his hands suddenly whisked away to a land in which he doesn't have that anymore. Now he and his friends have to grow along side one another and fight an incredible force


Sign was created by :iconrazley:

Some Guidelines to how i write.

Anything Bold is a location or a time change.

All thoughts and letters are italicized "(Like this)" makes it easier to separate.


One Last note! If you ever need a reference to a character and the description is not good enough

arcnovaxiii.deviantart.com/gal…

Go there! It holds every and all characters! Enjoy the drawings.

Disclaimer=All of them are owned by their respective artists, the characters are all mine.

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!
From the Author

Crux Cross Chapter 1

The Rich and Powerful

February 11th. The Year 2055

A boy woke up from his bedroom. He looked up at the ceiling and saw the white plastered walls. He couldn’t make heads or tails of the ceiling he was so used to. He yawned and got up from his bed. He saw his glasses on the table near his bed and smiled. He picked them up and put them on his face. He put on his uniform white shirt and black pants. He looked in the mirror and felt his brown skin, he smiled and his green eyes seemed to be radiant with light. He walked down the hallway and into an office that had an outside view of an entire city. There he saw a maid and beautiful woman sitting in a chair using a red phone to talk.

This woman had beautiful brownish hair, brown skin and green eyes. Her body was that of a beautiful middle aged woman. She had on a yellow top with a black skirt. She stood up in her red heels and walked over to the young man. She hugged him and kissed his forehead.
Sonia Caster by Keanove by ArcNovaXIII

This is what Sonia looks like! 

created by :iconkeanove:


“Good morning Matthew. How are you this morning?” Sonia asked

“I’m fine mother, doing great actually!” Matthew said this and turned to the maid.

“Oh, good morning young master” The maid bowed and the young man tilted his glasses.

The maid had red hair that was tied up with a black silk bonnet. She had an eye patch over her right eye and a maid uniform on.

“Oh, good morning Gloria.” Matthew said this and Sonia dusted Matthew off. “Um…mom?” Matthew was wondering why she was doing this.

“Matthew, I need to make you look presentable so you can get a date for Valentine’s Day. It’s crucial that you find the girl of your dreams. I do wish to have grandkids you know” Sonia said this and walked down the hallway with Matthew.

“It’s fine Mom. I haven’t had a date in 16 years. I’m not getting this one this year either” Matthew said this and pushed the button on the elevator. The elevator door opened and Matthew walked into the door.

The elevator went down and the door opened up on the first floor. Matthew walked into the entrance to a company building. A rather large one at that, there were workers for the building that turned to Sonia and waved to her.

Sonia waved to them back and soon she and Matthew were on the outside of the front door. Matthew turned around and looked at the large skyscraper that was his home. He smiled when he saw the sign Lord’s Reign glowing in golden letters. He looked around and saw the lovely blue sky that had large and bright sun shining over the city. 

Matthew had to cover his eyes for a bit. He smiled and saw a limo was out and ready for him.

“Have a wonderful day at school Matthew! Make sure to be safe!” Sonia said this and waved as he was driven away.

Matthew sat back in his seat and had a sigh of relief. He looked out of the window but couldn’t hope to smile

“(The only reason I have all of this is because of my mother’s money. Theos is my playground to do whatever I want with it…shouldn’t I be happy?”) Matthew wondered.
Matthew saw the car door was opened for him. Matthew looked at the bright and brimming golden academy. He got out of his limo and the students turned to him.

Some girls were giggling and one of the girls came up to him. The girl looked nervous and was holding a letter.

“M-Matthew w-would you….please like to go to the Golden Heart Dance with me!?” The girl presented an application letter and Matthew looked at it.

“(I remember now, the application letter that a couple must sign in order to get to the dance my mother is hosting. Why would she want to go with me?”) Matthew thought about this and realized something. He still put a smile on his face, even though he felt disgusted.

“I’m sorry but I do not wish to attend with you. Best of luck with someone else and I hope you find the man of your dreams” Matthew handed back the letter and the girl looked crest fallen. She took the letter and tears welled up in her eyes.

She ran away with her face buried in her hands. The entire entrance of the Academy was silent. Matthew looked up at the sign that said “Gold Sun”. Matthew only sighed and other girls looked as if they had lost hope for a good life.

“(Many believe that the Gold Heart Dance is the dance that one would go to in order to gain the person that will be in the rest of their lives. Well they’re right, that is the case for most of us in the holy cities of Azalea”) Matthew thoughts portrayed through his mind as he entered the school.

Matthew turned to his right and he saw a small group of three boys. They looked a bit rough and approached Matthew. The leader had blue hair that was a little pointy and he had purple eyes. His long sleeved uniform white  shirt and black pants looked a little undone. Lastly his shoes were the standard black that all boys wore. The leader also had a white gloves on that were really close to arms, it was if his arms and legs could not be seen.

“Yo kid, how about you….wait…is that…OH DEAR LORD!” The leader of these boys kneeled, as did the other two. “M-Matthew! We are so sorry! We had no idea that you were coming this early! H-how are you on this fine day?” The boy asked as he got up from his knees.

“Aston, I am fine. Please do not try to hurt the other students. It brings a bad name to my mother’s academy” Matthew said this and tilted his glasses.

“Why of course fine sir! Oh, did you find a date to the Gold Heart Dance? As an apology I can easily get you someone worthy of your stature!” Aston said this and one of his lackeys thought about the girl.

“Well for someone like Matthew she’s got to be hot!!” One of the lackeys said

“And sexy to! She needs the big guns around the chest and butt!” the other lackey stated.

“Yes, do not worry Matthew! We will easily provide you with a perfect angelic girl! Just…please for the sake that is good and holy please do not summon your staff on us, and for the sake of the holy trinity please do not get your mother on us! We’ll be turned into ashes!” Aston clasped his hands together and begged. The other lackeys did the same.

“I’m surprised you would be little yourself to this extent. I will not tell my mother of your actions, nor will I apprehend you myself. Listen, Aston, I need you to do me a favor. There was a girl that asked me out just now and she ran away in tears. Do you think you can console her for me?” Matthew asked.

“O-Of course! Always thinking of others and not yourself! The perfect example of an angelic man! I shall do it without haste!” Aston left and Matthew turned to him.

“Aston, you’re a good guy. I only ask of you to do these things from the bottom of your soul. Not because me or my mother is here to watch over you. I can already tell, you will make a lucky woman very happy” Matthew said this turned to the hallway.
Aston had tears in his eyes and wiped them away.

“(Hearing something like that from a guy who’s loaded with money and power. It does my heart good! Time to go mend the mournful!”) Aston ran outside to take care of the girls that were struck with rejection.

Soon after, around the time of 7:30, students took their seats in a classroom. Matthew was at the front and students were trying to look at his notes. One boy got hit on top of the head with a ruler.

“No! I know Matthew James Caster’s notes are like that of the Holy Grail but you are not to look at them! We have a test to today, unless Matthew wishes to save all of you, again” The teacher tilted her glasses and her brown eyes fell upon Matthew’s face.

Matthew saw this teacher had a curled up brown hair, short black skirt, black heels and a purple shirt. Her endowments were big and she looked like a lovely school teacher.

“Mrs. Thira, I think it’s about time the others learned to keep up with their studies” Matthew said this and the other students began to slump in their chairs. “But since everyone is trying to look for dates for the dance I will make their lives easier” Matthew stood up and walked over to the board.

“Do you boys and girls hear this?! The prince of this city is going to spare you once again! You’d best be grateful!” Thira said this and turned to Matthew. “Since this is a history class please spread history to these young jesters” Thira said this and Matthew turned to the class.

“If I see anyone here without paper, pen, tablet, or laptop you get a zero for a test grade, do you understand” Matthew asked.

“YES SIR!” The entire class took out whatever they had to write or type on.

“Alright then Matthew, from the top if you please!” Thira said this and Matthew tilted his glasses.

“From the start of the world was spinning on its normal 365 days of the year. That is until a horrifying monster came from hell and declared war on our savior, God. This was around the time Jesus had just been crucified for the sake of the world. This world is the world we live in, Originis.” Matthew said this and the students were writing things down.

“After this the monster did not just outright attack. Reports that thrones from hell were being usurped, that the king of demons, Satan, was being beaten into the ground along with the 7 deadly sins. Even the Arch Demons stood no chance against this brutal force. He came bearing 3 teeth from Satan, each standing for the countdown of heaven’s defense before this evil” Matthew stated this and everyone was silent, some even had sweat dropping from their face.

“We all know the grim tale that comes next. I can’t believe I have to get Matthew to explain this dreaded story to you kids” Even Thira was not feeling well hearing this.

“For 3 straight days, Paradisum, the world above Azalea was receiving slaughter after slaughter. The Queen of the Paradisum, Adana, even she stood no chance against this menace. The Zionists had to pour out of Zion and even they were swatted away like flies. Any angelic warrior took up their weapons, none affected the dark creature. They say his visage was enough to destroy armies. And speaking of armies, he was the first demon to unite all the forces of hell, not even Satan could amount to this” Matthew said this and felt the board.

“M-Matthew, would you like to stop?” One of the students asked.

“No, you all need to be reminded of this” Matthew swallowed his fear and continued.

“He destroyed earth, beat the angels into the ground, he was even reported to rape a Zionist while blowing her comrades to pieces. That same angel went crazy and killed herself; it was the second time another Zionist was sent to hell. The first one was Satan; none of the angels could even truly blame her for what she had done, to go through that…was hell enough” Matthew finished this and calmed down.

“After the doors to the holy trinity were forced open and the 2 Omega Angels stood in this creature’s way. This creature was keeping up with those who were first created by God; the Omega angels were able to hold off the creature long enough for Jesus to intervene. Once Jesus put the beast away he had to rest, he had not appeared out of the Zion since. Because of the destruction of the world would initiate the second coming God sent the female and male angels to go produce children with the humans. After about 1000 years, a pure human was almost nonexistent. 1055 years later the world is populated with angelic humans and demonic humans. We live in the sky and in cities that have barriers. The demons live on the ground and even in underground cities. This is our world today after it was reborn” Matthew explained all of this and no one said a word.

“Alright, write this down in your note books and turn it in for me to check” Thira said this and the students got up and put their journals in a basket that was placed on a chair. Thira turned to Matthew and hugged him.

“Thank you, the very reason why I allowed it is because that story is a living nightmare. Just thinking of that beast being brought back is something I don’t even want to fathom” Thira said this and Matthew nodded.

“No angel today could take that thing down. Does it even have a name?” Matthew asked.

“The only name we have for that thing is The Dark Force. That’s the only name one could mutter before someone met his or her end” Thira said this and Matthew left the room. “Have a great day” Thira said this as he left the room. Her voice was wavering; she knew the story was painful.

“(As long as I don’t have to explain that in the other 5 periods that I have then I’ll be fine. That story affects me more than them; I get this strange feeling every time I mention it?”) Matthew continued down the hallway and went to his next 2 periods, which were his science and
culinary arts classes
.

Matthew was now in 4th period, this was his Holy Arts class. Before he entered the door he saw 3 people, two young women and a young man.

The young man had blond hair and blue eyes. He looked calm and content and ready for class. He had the same uniform Matthew had on and wore a cross necklace.

The girl on his side had orange hair, brown eyes, and a circlet with a white pearl on her head. She had on a white shirt and black shorts. She had white skin and she smiled. She also wore a silver cross necklace with a blue gem in the center.

The other girl had pearl purple hair, pink eyes, and had rings that she wore on her legs. She had a beautiful figure and her body stuck out as being better than average. The orange haired girl’s body also looked superior to most. The girls chests stuck out like fluffy pillows and their butts were bigger than most as well. The two girls did not seem to mind, nor were they suspicious of the boy’s eyes.

“Hey! Ready for class?” The girl with orange haired asked.

“I’m sure we’re all ready for class, the only thing I’m really ready for is to see you two go to war over who’s going to be the one who asks Matthew to the Gold Heart Dance” the blonde young man said this and the purple hair girl laughed.

“Don’t be ridiculous! I’d never do such a thing as petty as argue over something like that” the purple haired girl said his and the orange haired one bolted after Matthew.

“Uh…Marissa?” Matthew was confused as to what was going on and Marissa hugged him like a tight teddy bear. 

“Zanta said she wasn’t interested! This means you’re going with me!” Marissa said his and Zanta teleported from her current position. Her body reappeared after a golden light she was in front of the two. Zanta pulled them apart and glared at Marissa.

“Now hold it! Who said you could get the jump on him like that! I said I wasn’t going to fight over Matthew, at least not here that is” Zanta turned to Matthew and put on the biggest smile she could.

“Oh please, you’re just saying that because you’re not ready for a man” Marissa said this and Zanta glared at Marissa.

“I’m more ready than you are!” Zanta exchanged glances with Marissa and sparks could be visually seen from Matthew’s position.

“You two need to calm down” Matthew said this and the blonde boy zipped over from his position to Matthew’s. He put his arm around Matthew’s shoulder. “Roman, why are you enjoying this?” Matthew asked.

“Because seeing two hot chicks fight is fun! Don’t you agree?” Roman asked.

“No, and I think you’re crazy at times” Matthew said this and walked down the hallway. Soon Matthew opened the door to a large gymnasium of pearly white color.

“Alright! Roll Call! Matthew James Caster! Roman  Flynn! Marissa Newman? Zanta Valentine!? Where are they, it’s not like them to be late. ” a man wondered.

“We’re here!” Matthew said this as he came into the room.

“Hello Matthew! Come on over before you’re late!” A man said this and Matthew ran on over to him.

The man had a nice beard running across his face. His eyes were that of a kind near old man. He had grey eyes and gruffly orange hair. He was in a suit of armor and had a hammer in his hands. The other three came in and the bell rung the man.

“Sorry we were almost late” Matthew said this and walked over to the

“Since you three were almost late you get to be our practice dummies. Lucian! Pick up the white rocks at your feet and hurl them at Matthew! As for the Mages, different magic and aim at Roman!” The man said this and Zanta and Marissa looked at each other.

“Why not have us be punished Mr. Koori?” Zanta asked.

“Well that’s easy! Why hurt the pretty little ladies when I can make the big strong guys do all the work?! So let us begin! Matthew’s up first!” Koori pointed to Matthew and the kids that were in armor picked up the rocks and threw them towards Matthew.

The rocks were coming at the speed of a bullet. Matthew summoned his staff, which looked like a black rod connected to a golden circular cross object. Matthew lowered his staff against the ground and a wind wall surrounded him. This wind turned into golden wind and blew the rocks away. Not only were the rocks blow away, but they were now being upheld by a force of magic.

Matthew raised his hand and each rock pointed at the students that threw them towards him.

“Nice! Your second stage is as strong as ever! Not only do you have the power of wind, but you also have the power to levitate things with your holy energy!” Koori smashed his hammer into the ground and an earth spike grew out of the ground under Matthew.

Matthew snapped his fingers and white wings grew out of his back. Matthew held up his left hand and golden light charged in his hands.

“Do I throw this or not?” Matthew asked.

“Of course! Send them all at me!” Koori said this and Matthew’s hands stopped charging.
“Alright then! Arrows of Light!” Matthew held out his left hand and beam shots of light headed towards Koori. Koori stood there and didn’t move an inch. He took all of the shots and came out without a scratch; he dusted himself off and smiled.

“Nice attack! But that can’t be it!” Koori said this and baited Matthew with this finger.
Matthew flew towards Koori and stopped to see Roman yawning.

Small shots of light were flying towards Roman but he didn’t feel a thing. He snapped his fingers and an armor of golden energy grew around him. The shots didn’t even create dust on him now. The  mages, who were in robes, felt ashamed.

“Nice! Just like me you know how to reduce damage with your second stage energy armor! Using your holy energy to create a strong defense! As a Lucian it feels great as your opponents attacks bounce off and do no damage!” Koori said this and in an instant Roman was gone.

Soon the mages were on the ground or on their knees. Roman put down his foot and his body was giving off electricity.

“Good job! You’re using your physical prowess over The Crux in order to take them down. That and the lightning element is never a bad thing!” Koori stated this and clapped his hands together. The students came back and they sat around Koori

“Alright! Now can tell me the differences between the Crux and the Lucian?” Koori asked.

“That’s easy, The Lucian are those that do not have magical prowess but boast in physical strengths. Like take Matthew, I mean that boy over there for example!” Marissa quickly corrected herself by pointing to another boy. The other girls caught this and were irritated.

“That boy across from me, the mage can easily outthink me if he is trained enough. But I boast in other attributes. Let’s say a foot race, I could easily stomp him in a foot race. But a test applying the mind is something that I think he could win with not much effort” Marissa said this and Koori clapped his hands.

“Very good! Yes a Crux is smarter and can learn various spells and magic! While us Lucian are durable and strong! Both have their strengths and weaknesses that are exploitable!” Koori stood up and pointed to Matthew. “Matthew, explain a bit.” Koori said this and Matthew tilted his glasses.

Matthew stood up and summoned his staff out of holy light.

“As a primer Mages can throw up holy barriers like this” Matthew held up his hand and a holy shell came around him. “Add a little element” Matthew added wind shell covered him. “Then you get a wind wall. Create a tiny holy geyser” Matthew raised his staff and a green magic circle grew from the ground.

A tornado began to grow from the ground and the winds began to become stronger. Matthew died the power down and held out his staff in front of him. The staff transformed into a green and black rifle. He looked at the wall and fired accurate and well-aimed shots. After 5 shots he cocked back the handle and fired a charged shot. This created a small hole against the gym wall.

“5 shots and each charged shot costs a full five rounds.” Matthew said this and Matthew turned to the group.

“Ah yes! Almost forgot, the transformation by the renewal of the mind! Something we angels can freely do. We can transform our weapons into long range projectiles or vice versa. Both Lucian and Crux can do this freely.” Koori said this and he sat down.

“With that I leave the class ending moments with at least stating the first 3 stages. The first stage is the element stage for everyone. Then after that you have the holy aura stage, lastly the winged stage. The ability for you to fly.” Koori said this and the bell rung. “Alright good luck and happy date hunting!” Koori said this and the girls of the class glanced at one another.

Matthew left the room and after his 5th and 6th period he was on his way out of the school building. He ran into a cluster of girls all bearing letters. Matthew turned around and saw the girls teleporting through the walls. All of the girls had letters in their hand.
“Hello Matthew, we girls are here to ask a question. Nothing bad here is happening, we just need your honest opinion” One of the girls said this and Matthew sighed.

“All of your crowded here. I know what you want, and the answer is no. I wish you luck in finding your dates but I am not going to be any of your dates to the event” Matthew said this and some of the girls felt defeated.

One of the girls lifted her shirt and threw it on the ground. Several girls did the same and most of them smiled.

“Do you really think we’re going to allow you to walk away? We only need to get you to sign one of our papers, at this point we don’t care who” One of the girls said this and Matthew saw several girls with their bras on. Their eyes seemed to be filled with everything but love and care.

“Now it’s time to ensnare your souls to one of us!” the girls ran towards Matthew and Matthew summoned his staff.

A column of flame surrounded the girls and out of this fire appeared Sonia. The girls halted their advance; Sonia’s gaze was like that of a reaper. Her glancing eyes were enough to be the end of their lives. Thira came out of her classroom and locked her doors. She saw the group of girls and teleported to Matthew.

“Now, now girls. If you want to ask Matthew to go The Gold Heart Dance then that’s fine. Get in a straight line and please put your shirts back on” Thira said this and Sonia did not smile nor was she amused.

“If this is a last ditch effort to win my son over then you girls are not only sinful, you’re just down right disgusting!” Sonia words pierced the hearts of the girl like long sword.

“Wait a minute, now that I think about it….why wait till now!? If you girls had any real feelings for Matthew you would have asked back in September or somewhere around there. Why wait till just before one of the key events of relationship building?!” Thira asked this and her expression turned into anger.

“Well…I mean we were all nervous and it’s not like your son doesn’t have great qualities! I mean he’s intelligent!” One of the girls said this and Matthew sighed.

“And if you were to give 3 the last two would be I have money and power. Am I correct in this assumption?” Matthew asked. The girls were stunned when he did.

“W-wait! No, that’s not it at all! We would not every think of something like that….well…I mean the money and the power…maybe about…err….25 percent each” one of the girls said this and Sonia’s eyes were brimming with fire.

“So my son is only appealing because he can fill up your endless want of greed and power! I thought I built this city on better principles but I guess you girls need a little reeducation! Though since this wasn’t a direct attack the best I can do is punish the girls that took off their clothes." Sonia said this to Thira and she nodded.

"Yes ma'am" Thira nodded with agreement.
 
The girls that took off their shirts will be filed for indecency, as for the rest do not think you have won my support and favor. You have disgusted on this day, so do not expect anything good to come out of it.” Sonia said this and touched Matthew’s back.

“Matthew, I’m sorry you had to see the ugliness of women. At this point you do not have to go to the dance if you do not wish to for it seems the women in this city see you as nothing but a tool” Sonia teleported Matthew away from the building.

Zanta, Marissa and Roman saw this from afar and looked at each other.

Back at Lord’s Reign. On the rooftop of the building.

Matthew sighed as he looked at the city below him.

“This entire city will be inherited to me. But what’s the point if everyone will be after me for wealth and power?” Matthew looked at his hands and sighed.

Soon his friends flew on top of the roof. Their white wings disappeared from their back and they approached Matthew.

“Listen Matt, what you had to see today was something brutal. May not have been a bunch of dead corpses. But it sure wasn’t something pretty.” Roman said this and patted his shoulder.

“Matthew I know what you’re thinking. But not all girls are like that. I mean yes we can be mean, snotty and money driven but we aren’t all bad” Marissa said this and Zanta walked to Matthew’s side.

“Matthew, do you want to talk about it?” Zanta asked.

“No, I’m at fault as well. I should have worked out more, gotten some muscles, or did something make myself more appealing. I’m not going to dispel my own faults and errors.” Matthew said this and sighed.

“Matthew’s there’s nothing wrong with you! Okay so you don’t have muscles, so what?! You’re a genius with a larger IQ than anyone I know. You’re kind; you always help out the classes when we have exams. Not everyone is perfect and angels should know that better than anyone! Only the Lord is perfect, nothing else is” Marissa said this and Roman sighed.

“You two shouldn’t act so innocent. You’re just as guilty as the girls. The only real reason you two are on the top of this rooftop is because Sonia helped the both of you. It had nothing to do with Matthew or how he is” Roman said this and the girls turned to him with a face of utter shock.

“Never would I think like those hypocrites! I’m here to support someone close to me, not to gain wealth and money!” Marissa said this and Zanta nodded in agreement.

“I wouldn’t want that, I’m not a pig that would use Matthew for power! I have no need for it!” Zanta said this and Roman turned to the stairs on the side of the building, these led to the floor below the top floor.

“Alright, well Matthew, if you want to come down you can” Zanta said this and followed Roman. Marissa turned to follow but stopped. She turned to see the sunset of the world glisten in the horizon.

“(Now could be my only chance. I...care about Matthew. Not for money…or for power…but…because I am an angel and it is at my basis to love and give back what I gain! And if giving Matthew my love and affection proves my point then so be it!”) Marissa did not leave. She stayed and Matthew sat down, Marissa sat near him.

“Hey Matthew, you remember how we met?” Marissa asked.

“We met when we were 8. After…what happened to Lune Port.” Matthew stopped himself there.

“It’s okay; I know what happened in the month of July. My entire world fell apart. The city was overrun by demon pirates, we don’t even know how the barrier fell down. Soon everyone was dying left and right. No hope seemed to be in sight. That is until your mother appeared; with staff in hand she sent the demons back destroyed their entire army single handily . Though it was too late for my parents who died in the attack it was still a sight to see” Marissa said this and looked at the setting sun.

“The orphanage in which my parents ran was destroyed; most of the kids were dead. I was alone and scared. But your mother did not just stop with saving the town; she made a donation so large I could have bought 7 orphanages at once. The Orphanage was repaired and it came out better than it was in the past. I was inspired to do so much when that happened.” Marissa said this and stood up.

“I immediately used some of the money to transfer to the academy and when I got there I began to get to work. I was going to have my idol notice me. Then is saw she had a son, so first up was to befriend him and get even closer. I was always excited and eager to help out…but then I realized. Little by little it became less about Sonia…and more about you” Marissa said this and stood up.

Marissa summoned a piece of paper to her white sheet of paper to her hand. She took hold of the paper and smiled.

“As a testimony to that fact. I want to ask you. I know what the girls said is still on your mind, but I promise money was not on my mind. If that were the case I would have spent the money your mother donated on the latest fashion or something stupid like that. But instead I donated it all to the various buildings that got destroyed in the invasion…I have the thank you cards to prove it if you’d like to see” Marissa was blushing and Matthew stood up.

“You want me to go to the dance with you? Don’t you?” Matthew assumed this and Marissa nodded.

“Yes…I am asking you if you will sign my contract for this event” Marissa saw Matthew take the paper. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer.

(…I can tell she’s telling the truth. Marissa is selfless and is always there for others. The body that she has…is just an extra. I truly get that feeling from her. She’s not using any dirty tricks…she’s not giving up. And I…respect that. I have my decision”) Matthew was done feeling sorry for himself.

Matthew summoned a pen out of golden light and signed the signature at the bottom. She held the paper in Marissa’s face.

“It’s okay Matthew, I can understand that I jumped the gun and if the contract is in pieces then …” Marissa looked at the signature and saw it was signed. Tears began to stream down her eyes and she looked at Matthew. Matthew smiled which told her his answer.

The contract disappeared in a golden light, teleporting to a location not known to either of the two.

“I accept, I will go with you, Marissa” Matthew said this and turned to the stairs. “I guess I better go tell mom. She’s going to be proud and shocked” Matthew began to walk over to that direction but Marissa grabbed him.

Marissa pulled Matthew in and kissed him. The two shared a rare sight and sign of affection under a sunset sky.
Matthew X Marissa by KailiSpark by ArcNovaXIII

This is what the scene would basically look like!

Drawing done by :iconkailistark:

In an unknown location.

“Master, what are your orders?” a demon asked.

“Simple, bring us the boy” a raspy but powerful voice said this and the demon rose from his knee.

“By your leave sir” The demon left and the demon leader stood up.

“(Let’s see what happens when the angel’s little gold heart turns blue with sadness”) the main only grinned at the thought of an evil plan

End of Chapter 1.
Hey everyone! It's finally ready! The start of the journey for a young man! But i ended it with something romantic that will also be important in the due future! Other then that i welcome you to Crux Cross!

Chapter 2-arcnovaxiii.deviantart.com/art…

Right here!
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:iconjul320:
Okay, first of all, I would like to point out that this is my own opinion after all. Listen, don't listen. You asked, so I responded. I don't know if I am harsh or not. I'm just 'me'. I'm mainly critiquing technique and story.

TECHNIQUE:

Your chapter begins quite stale, being full of "He did this. He then did this." and so forth. Most of the sentences in the first paragraph actually starts with "He" and when reading it, it feels more like someone telling me a sequence of events rather than reading an imerssive story.

Your flow with dialogue reads better. I actually find it quite hard to write dialogue, making it sound like a whole other person, and taking 'you' out of the character when writing. You did quite well in this aspect, but you quickly go back to event telling once there is no more dialogue.

I like how you added direct thoughts of the character. Always good, it makes me more empathetic to the character.

Overall, your writing technique could be better. (Everyone could, me included) You tend to use a lot of basic description lacking true detail. Dialogue is good, character thought is good, but you miss indirect thought and description. What I mean by that is, you know your story and its world very well, but we don't, so rather than just writing "this happened, then this happened, then she said this" you could add depth with a trickle of background knowledge so we may understand the world and envision it better.


STORY:

Your story is solid, and you seem to have a good grasp of where you want to direct it. Which is very good. You also have history of your world of why it is how it is, along with different casts and societies. Which I love. Gives depth and immersion.

I didn't particularly connect with the whole "dance" thing. As in, why should I care, or why do the characters care so much about it?

It was much faster than I thought. It seems like a lot of things were crammed here really quickly. I feel like the same events could occur on three times the amount of words.

All in all, I more envisioned your story in the form of a comic or manga. Though a proper polishing of the chapter would surpass the appeal of either.

Overall, great story, good direction, characters are made well.
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:iconthat1personuforgot:
Hello there! I said I'd write a critique, and I did. Before reading, I want you and everyone else to know this is my first critique, so please excuse anything novice I say. While reading this story, I took notes on what I will discuss below.

Okay, first off, I noticed some punctuation errors throughout the story. An example would be in the very beginning, when you say, "He looked up at the ceiling and saw the white plastered walls. He couldn’t make heads or tails of the ceiling he was so used to." You continue to make many more sentences that start with 'He'. I advise instead combining some sentences with a comma, and doing things such as 'then he', 'he then', and 'and then'. I notice this throughout the story.

I notice in the second paragraph, when you're describing Sonia, in the first sentence you say 'beautiful' and in the second sentence you say 'beautiful'. I suggest finding a synonym for beautiful, to avoid over-using the words. Try something like 'lovely' or 'eye-catching'.

After a sentence in quotations, you should apply a comma at the end of the word, inside the quotations. (Example, "She likes cats," she said). I notice this throughout the story. There are a few exceptions to this comma rule, however:
:bulletpurple: If the sentence in quotations ends with a "Question mark?" You do not need a comma.
:bulletpurple: If it is a complete thought, you may end it with a period, not a comma- "No, he left."

On a positive note, I did enjoy this story and it kept me entertained. It took me a few paragraphs to actually 'get in' to the story, to settle down and really have it distract me. One of my favorite lines is "Only the Lord is perfect, nothing else is." (Note: when saying 'The Lord', in the context of religion, 'The' should be capitalized). The very end of the story ended a little too abruptly and awkwardly.

I congratulate you on how in character you got with all of the characters. :thumbsup: This was very conspicuous to me, and I enjoyed it very much. I think that you have a great story here, and your direction is going in the right place. Keep up the good work!

~Marlana
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:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Student Writer
the plot is really interesting but the writing needs to be worked on a bit. The punctuation is often missing or in the wrong places and the style is a bit too straightforward for my liking. I also don't think you should put the drawings in the middle of the text, since it interrupts the flow. maybe put an asterisk where the picture is, then put the pictures in the artist's comments? Just my opinion, hope I helped!
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:iconarcnovaxiii:
ArcNovaXIII Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yeah i going over the puntucation and grammar stuff right now. After it is all done i will release it all as one thing. but thank you. 
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:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Student Writer
all right!
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014   Writer
Hi there. Sorry it took me a few days to get round to reading this. A lot of what's been said like good dialogue etc has been basically said before. Now this is just my opinion. I kind of don't usually go for works that are driven by a spiritual drive, not saying this is awful, by no means, just personally it makes me cringe. I read so far and I had to stop. It really wasn't something I personally could sink my teeth into. But for the audience you are targeting I believe you are doing very well. You show great potential, so don't let me put you off. I wish you all the success in the world with your endeavours on this tale.
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:iconarcnovaxiii:
ArcNovaXIII Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
ah, it's fine and I know people are into spiritual stuff, and I can agree to some things to an extent. But I want to try something different, not the same approach and morally I want to prove that just because characters are angels and demons doesn't mean it's bad. But thank you!! sorry for making you cringe. I am releasing another story that has nothing to do with god in the slightest! so when I get around to that I would love for you to read it and give me your opinion on that!
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014   Writer
I'm glad you took that well. You meet people sometimes who get upset if they see anything negative about their work. Though I never found anything negative that leapt out to me. People have varying tastes. I'm not a huge fan of spiritual work or fan-fictional work. I would be interested in reading this new work when it's ready. I do write about angels and demons, heaven and hell, but I treat them as much as I treat say the Olympian gods, or the immortal residents of Valhalla. To me it's a mythology. Oh yeah, have you noticed I got a DD today. Don't know if that'll interest you at all.
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:iconarcnovaxiii:
ArcNovaXIII Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
you got  DD!? on what?! let me see!
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014   Writer
On this poem I wrote in January :thumb428229109:

Took me by surprise. I already got one back in late October last year. So to achieve a second without even trying is something else.
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:iconarcnovaxiii:
ArcNovaXIII Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I got it and read it, nice work!
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:iconrallyguy33:
Rallyguy33 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014
So far it is a very interesting set up. Very inspired by anime, but that's not a bad thing at all. You really captured the feel of an anime or manga. I like the concepts of the angels and the various powers you introduced. I will say that during the practice session, I got a little confused by what was happening. Writing actions scenes is always a challenge, because you want to keep the momentum moving, but you want to make sure the action is clear. You may want to try reading that sequence out loud, and then making edits where you feel it is not working. That technique helps me a lot, not just in action scenes, but in dialogue scenes as well. 

Ok, I'm off to chapter two. 
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